With three moves in her first year of marriage, Beth quickly became a bitter, reluctant, and selfish wife who hated most aspects of the military lifestyle and regularly let her husband know of her resentment. Belief in Christ transformed Beth into joyfully accepting the military lifestyle and embracing the mission to reach the military and their families with the gospel. While serving in full-time ministry to the military and pursuing her Master of Theological Studies from Gateway Seminary, the Lord led Beth to write biblically-based content to encourage military families. The book seeks to point military wives to trust the Lord as they navigate their chaotic and uncertain lives. Another Move, God?: 30 Encouragements for Embracing Your Life as a Military Wife leads the reader through Genesis 12-22 and Sarah and Abraham’s challenges. Beth shows the reader the parallels between Sarah and Abraham’s journey and a military family with encouragement to face loneliness, moving, relationship changes, solo parenting, supporting a warrior in combat, and relinquishing control.
The following excerpt comes from chapter 2 “Stick Like Glue,” used with author’s permission.
In the old sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond, most episodes contain a scene in the kitchen where Raymond’s overbearing and insulting mother, Marie, embarrassingly forces her views and opinions on Raymond’s wife, Debra. The show provides excellent comic relief, but can you imagine living in that household? Well, if you are a military spouse, chances are you will never find yourself living across the street from your in-laws!
One of the most challenging parts of a military family’s journey is that we must leave our family and hometown and start over in a new location, usually quite far from those we love. Sarah set an example of how to complete a PCS move successfully. I find it comforting to think that military wives are not the only ones God has called to leave their home and their family and resettle.
Do you often feel lonely and frustrated with the forced relocations during the first days or weeks after arriving at your new duty location? Amid the challenging parts of being a military wife, some unique blessings result from this lifestyle. God called us in Genesis 2:24 to leave our family—our father and mother— and be united or “cleave” to our spouse. God designed that a husband and wife find their primary human relationship with each other; this should be a priority over even a parent-child relationship. Can you see how a military marriage can have its blessings as well as its challenges? Our military marriage can also be a blessing as circumstances force us to cleave to our spouse because we live hundreds of miles away from our friends and family. The Hebrew word translated as “bonds” or “cleave” in Genesis 2:24 refers to “pursuing hard” after something or “being glued to” or “holding fast” to something.
The “holding fast” definition can be better understood through welding. Holding fast describes the point where two pieces of steel are welded together. The iron or steel is heated and melted until the molecules are forced together into one continuous piece. Surprisingly, if the right metals are used and the appropriate heat is applied, the resulting material is actually stronger at the weld.
So when we correctly cleave to our husbands, we become much stronger than either of us could be on our own. It may take some heat to develop the right level of strength, but the result is something stronger than the two separate pieces. The military lifestyle might be part of the heat being applied to your marriage to make your weld, or bond, stronger. Don’t let Satan trick you into thinking that the heat can weaken you instead of making you stronger.
Forced resettling comes with the military life, and it causes us to often find ourselves more drawn to our spouse as we brave a brand-new location with no one familiar but our husbands. The forced separation from family also causes military spouses to rely on one another more than if parents and in-laws were right down the street. With a fresh perspective, you can set up a house with your spouse in a new town. You can begin a family or new career with unique ideas and routines. You can establish new traditions. All without as much friction or pushback that typically comes with having family nearby!
Right after God made a woman from man, Scripture makes it clear that an important pattern for marriage is set forth: for the couple to leave their parents and stick like glue to one another (Gen. 2:21-24). God knows we will fail to be in harmony and genuinely united with our spouse if we don’t “unglue” ourselves from our parents. Today, you and I need to mourn certain parts of being separated from family, no doubt, but we can simultaneously choose to be thankful for the excellent opportunity for unity that it can provide in marriage.
God also designed the leaving and cleaving in marriage to be a picture of the intimate relationship he wants with you. The same Hebrew word for “cleave” is used in Deuteronomy 13:4 and 30:20 when God commanded the Israelites to be faithful to him.
Although I’m challenging you to prioritize and bond to your spouse, I am not suggesting you should never talk to your family or in-laws. With your warrior away serving his country often, you may be the connection point to his family at times. Boundaries are important, but I am not advocating you completely cut anyone out of your lives unless there are exceptional reasons.
Some tips to help you and your husband “leave and cleave” better:
- Give your spouse priority over parents, siblings, and even children by reordering your priority list to be God, spouse, and then others.
- When facing a decision, determine to consult one another’s counsel first before going to outside counsel.
- As much as possible, avoid involving the extended family in any marital conflict to prevent unintentionally tainting your spouse’s reputation with your family. (This does not mean you should be facing conflicts alone when you truly need a third party; rather, choose a third party who is as unbiased as possible, like a Christian counselor.)
- Trust God to be the “cleaving glue.” When there doesn’t seem to be anything to cling to in your marriage, cling to God himself and remain committed to your marriage and to the Lord.
- Recognize that cleaving is a choice. Don’t give yourself any other option but to cleave. Take the word divorce off the table, and never use it as a threat during a fight, so that you aren’t tempted to think it is a viable option (apart from abuse, which would make it prudent).
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